In my search for a more local partner, I'm a little more open to random messages.
Recently, a widower in his 60s contacted me, expressing interest. I read his profile and he seemed compatible. The downside ... he lives 350 miles away. Nope. Not doing that again. Looking a bit far afield, bud.
He countered with the fact that he is in my area, 5 days a week, for the next 30 months, on a work project. Naturally, I'm picturing a M-F work week and he's back home every weekend. Realistically, how much time for non-sexual activities does that give him? More than I thought. He owns the company and can adjust his time the way he wants.
This could be doable. After all, who knows how much time I have left on this earth. 30 months could be about right. After a bit more communication, we scheduled a lunch meet. I gave him a time and place, he agreed and then asked if he could call me.
This made me a tad uneasy. He asks to call, which is good, but does not offer his phone number with the request, which is not so good. I had a nice debate with myself on how to respond. I took the chance and gave him my number ... with the caveat that he text first because I do not answer unknown numbers.
I had 2 phone calls yesterday. One listed as possible spam, the other listed as restricted. No text.
Hoo-boy! I've been through the 'restricted' phone number thing before. But how do I know it was him? I don't. So, do I meet for lunch and ask (aka confront nicely) or do I cancel? I've never stood anyone up but if I cancel, via the message center here, would he get it in time? I decided to do the meet.
My gut woke me before dawn. "Do not go, BJ," it said. "Send the message declining AND explain why."
That's what I did.
As this is my only way to contact you, I hope you get this before you head to lunch. After much thought, I am not comfortable meeting someone who does not offer, or restricts, his phone number. At best, it shows a disregard for my safety.
An hour or so later, I got a reply.
can't make it,, had an accident at a job site,, im flying back to ohio
You know, he could've sent me that in a text but chose not to.
I'm glad I listened to my gut!
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He asks to call but doesn't give his number? Yeah, sign that he's a total douchebag.
Yep. Not going there!
Good for you!! Your gut is taking care of you. You were so very polite!!
I am curious why he is hiding his phone info - is he married or in a relationship.
I don't know. He contacted me again, through this site, but did not address the issue. But oddly enough, I got a second 'restricted' call shortly after
It's hard for my "gut" to speak up louder than my "polite training" but every now and then it finds it's voice. Sounds like yours finally did, I'm glad!
But notice how polite my gut's note was!
Well, on one side accidents happen (stupid bicycle tire!), including ones which you can't easily report from (stupid "smart" phone and it's battery!) - on the other as someone who also hates calls from unknown numbers I wouldn't even think about reacting to a restricted one and can't believe anyone would use something so rude when arranging a date...
Sorry that I can't offer any useful advice - it's just hard to guess if you can trust someone
. On the bright side: at least you could speak with someone - on this side of the planet there isn't anyone 100 miles around and those 200+ miles away don't understand what you say to them :-/ (even less if you are using nominally the same language 
). Whatever; have a nice weekend and appropriate luck finding mates, everybody O
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Welcome to my blog. I post things like this, not for advice, but to share an experience that may help someone else feel not so alone.
It sounds like the guy had something to hide.
That's what my gut thought.
You trusted your instincts, set a clear boundary, and acted in a way that prioritized your safety and comfort. That takes strength. It's a good reminder that sometimes it's better to walk away than to compromise on what feels right. Well done.
Thank you.
I don't think men understand the safety concerns women have with online dating.
@superbjversion2 Thankfully, I've found that when I clearly communicate my conditions for meeting, I've never had any pushback from those I agreed to meet. It's reassuring to connect with people who respect those boundaries.
@sexyldy1000 to be fair, the situation I refer to in this post, is unusual for me. But even the men that respect the boundaries, don't really understand that women always have safety concerns.
@superbjversion2 I respect your perspective but I don't share that view. Expressed safety concerns have always been clearly understood by those I have talked to and met.
I'm sorry but also glad it was only a minor waste of time and not worse. I met up with someone that talked a good game but wouldn't give me his number and ended up playing twice (back to back days... both disappointing quickies) only to be blown off since. Ugh. Wish I'd listened to my gut but dry spell got to me... he was local and I gave him too much benefit of the doubt.
I saw a gent for several dates whose phone always showed 'restricted'. He had a ton of dumb excuses ... Phone company error was one. I told him to fix it or be gone.
Gut feelings are not to be ignored. A bullet well dodged!!
Probably but my gut thinks the story isn't over yet.
I'm glad you listened to yourself. Your brain picked up on something that you didn't recognize in the moment. When your gut screams...best to listen. I'll be looking forward to hearing more about the 5-hour conversation dude...that's how my last one started. It was mostly a good 7 months...mostly.
The thinking part of me likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I often ignore my gut. This time it would not be ignored.
I am guessing married or attached. The widower thing is used often. Or separated
As a widow, my greatest ire is reserved for men that lie about being widowed.
After a while it became my policy not to connect with people who are working in my town but live elsewhere. Even if they’re here on a very regular basis! It just seems like there’s too great of a chance that there is a wife or partner back home. A restricted number definitely seems like another sign of that.
I generally don't give in-town-for-work people the time of day either, but this one seemed, on the surface, like it had potential. I don't always care about the marital status ... if they're honest from the beginning.
I'm curious to see if he tries to explain it away. My gut says he won't.
So her obviously does not want you to have his phone number. Good gut call. I do hope do find or stumble across, like Diane and I did, someone close enough by who can become your long term lover and friend and values you like I value Diane.
Sending you big naked hugs along with the hope that you have a wonderful Spring season.
I had a much different first meet on Thursday. By the time we figured we should leave the restaurant, it was 5 hours later! Time will tell.
Spring? Listen, if Mother Nature were a real person, I'd bitch-slap her right now.
@superbjversion2 A first meet where you can talk for that long does look promising. Have my fingers crossed for you but as you say, "Time will tell."
Sending you big naked hopeful hugs.
YUP. good call. Following along that was my call too. Your request was simple, he didn't decline it, he simply didn't comply. NEXT
I don't think a text number can be 'restricted' like a call can. Which is probably why I didn't get one.
One's gut instincts are often best acted on. If someone who wants to meet me can't give me their phone number, then that's a red flag. They are just players and I don't want to be played!
My first thought, when I see a caller ID listed as "Restricted" ... what are they hiding?
I have so many of those messages and they all read the same. "I'm in the area for work, i'd like to meet". The messages are often word for word the same. I ignore them.
He didn't open with the "I'm in town for work" schtick. Plus, I try to reply to all my messages, to be polite. (except for those pesky, one word Hi)
@superbjversion2 I consider a message with just the one word Hi. to be a strong indication that the most optimistic possibility about the one who sent it is that what follows that Hi equals what in their head that is worth knowing.
Hugs!