I stayed up way too late on Wednesday, fell asleep way to early tonight, and now I'm wide awake in the middle of the night.
Fantastic.
I am my own worst enemy when left to my own devices....
I internalize.
I allow bad thoughts to cycle through my mind.
I retreat to solitude.
I'm drawn to my home.... Where I can spend time with my kitties, hang out on the porch, and think about my life's choices.
There are aspects of my old life that I miss.
I miss my children when they were young. I miss being surrounded by that unconditional love all the time. I miss having that built in squad that was with me all the time, and loneliness wasn't a thing.
I miss feeling secure.
Would I give up what I have now to go back to that security I once had, with an alcoholic ex-husband?
No way....
But I still miss the feeling.
I'm staring a lot at the screen tonight.... Lost in thought in so many ways as I attempt to put those thoughts into words....
Perhaps it's best they remain thoughts, though.
Once I put them out to the world, they become real.
There area few that I don't want to be real....
So, with that, I think I'll draw this post to a close.
Happy Thursday!
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15 comments
Most enjoyable read
Thank you
Happy Friday to You luv. Everything is going to be fine.
Thank you! Happy Wednesday!!
I think i could have written this post with the exception of alcoholic husband. Mine was a narcissistic shop-aholic wife.
There are so many of us that have similar life situations and paths…. The good thing about writing about it is the feeling of knowing you aren’t alone.
Hugs momma. Hang in there.
Thank you!
I increasingly use my blog to write down my thoughts in the hope that my thinking becomes clearer.
With the election coming up, things have been crazy for me again. Most of my down time is spent trying to destress from the day, and I wind up avoiding technology. Which means, the blog suffers.
I do that a lot too. Maybe that's why i have a few partners. Fillers so i won't internalize too much. The internalization will occur regardless, but it's the... one extra layer of thought that goes in that opens up the floodgates. I actually find writing them down cathartic Once they're out, they don't sit in my head as much, or as heavily.
. Hope the sleep comes and it's pleasant
I'm going to try that.... I haven't really delved into writing down the things that cycle through my head when I'm like this, perhaps I'd be able to quit revisiting the same concerns, creating new scenarios.
1 must be careful You might slip into Trying to relive the past Trying to live in the past Could be a slippery slope you're standing on
Truth! I definitely don't want to relive the past, but I miss pieces of it.
@secret_lade There is usually some good that comes out of the bad In everything If you dig deep enough Just don't dwell on the bad drive you nuts
When I was mad up being wide awake in the middle of the night, I watch stupid comedy shows so I don’t have to think.
Hope you got some sleep! 🤗
I did that.... I found 'Abbott Elementary' and watched 4 episodes. I never did go back to sleep, so this will likely be a terrible work day, but at least it's Friday!
@secret_lade
It sux so bad when I have to go to work after hardly getting any sleep