Vermont sounded like a wonderful place to spend a couple of days last weekend. When Lynn invited me to her lakeside cottage, I said "Yes" in a jiffy and escaped Montreal in an effortless flash. The evening drive was peaceful; a persistent moon trolled me along a wide-open road. Before long, I'd arrived at the US border.
I knew the drill...
I handed my Canadian ID to an outstretched hand and did my best "blank stare passport-face." The border guard looked at me, that booklet, and then... slowly peered back into my open window. That's when the shit hit the fan.
"Sir, were you aware your passport expires tomorrow?"
"Excuse me? What the FUCK did you just say?" Was what I might have blurted if my jaw hadn't locked up.
"Sir, pull over to the left and park inside garage number three. Someone will be there to greet you."
He held onto my passport and tipped his cap. The blood had already drained from my brain, so I was a little dizzy there... for a second or two. I coasted into that brightly lit aluminum canopy, turned off my engine and stepped out. SHE approached (hands on her holster) and motioned me — with a wave of her wrist and index finger — towards the interview room: it was small and cramped.
MY customs border guard was athletic, attractive and way too fricken anal. We played 20 questions for thirty fucking minutes while (I presume) other officers searched my car. At one point, SHE asked if I was hiding anything, and I thought, "OK, this is it. She's preparing me for the strip search. Get ready to lower your damn pants, Paul."
Thankfully, it didn't go that way. After admitting — for the tenth time — that I'd messed up, my customs officer smirked and let me go... with a very stern warning.
I slowly rolled into Canada, hit the road and clicked "PLAY." A buddy of mine, Ash Soan, was smacking the drums (with Ariel Posen and Cory Wong) as I brutalized my speakers — while berating myself for being so fricken careless.
The monotony of that deserted highway... soon took over.
I'd forgotten how barren and hypnotic a midnight run could be. It was lulling me into a coma. I shook my head, accelerated, and quickly watched those dotted white lines become one... long... unbroken blur. I felt alert once again. I knew one thing, Lynn would be seriously annoyed and disappointed with me.
Yet, by the time I'd reached Montreal, I realized that positive lessons should be acquired everywhere. What did I learn from that whole "border" experience? Always, check expiry dates on important documents.
Oh, and always, wear clean underwear — you just never know. 😶
How good are you at learning a lesson, or do you ever repeat mistakes?
Have you ever crossed a border? 😐
... this is probably what MY boder guard looked like slipping out of her uniform...
... this is what MY border looked like...
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21 comments
Because nothing says, "I’ve learned my lesson," more than that sad and disappointed look from the border agent.
😂
Lol... yep. Ya got THAT right. 😂
I have crossed borders. Without trouble thank goodness. Well, the Mexican officials did finger my lingerie as they searched my bags. Hehehe
I have repeated mistakes sadly. I learn then think, maybe it will be different this time. Nope! LOL
Hugs!!
"Mistakes" follow me around, lurking and hoping my memory fades. 😲😂
I think need to join this strip fantasy 😈🔥 to have fun
There is no fee. 👍
After watching "Midnight Express" years ago, I've always been leery of border crossings. I won't mention any of the sketchy pitstops my band — and fully loaded van — made at those frontiers. I'm sure many of us have a story. Sheesh...😂
Ariel Posen, Cory Wong, Julian Bradford, and my buddy Ash Soan rip this track to shreds.
Someone once asked me why I wouldn't play songs I could sing with while driving. I do, but I also like tunes I can simply tap my hands and feet to. There are a ton of great "driving songs" out there, depending on your mood.🤗
@mufdiver69er2
True, about the demeanour of those wearing stars and stripes. Could NOT even mildly mess with them.
And no, I've never shared that with him.
Back in the day, I could get across with a Driver's Licence and by Boy Scout ID.😶
It's got that feel-good, funky vibe.
Tommy sent me this little gem. With or without the lyrics, it still slaps.
This song rocks Hun. Thanks for sharing it..xoxo
@4playlist_Sugswt
Multi-tasking is a rare skill.
Luca has certainly nailed those sets of strings. 😲🤗👍
How is the "T" man?
@author51
And... it's easy for me to remember the lyrics. 😲😂
@mufdiver69er2
The dark roast is my go-to. It's good, but I'm not sure worth the hassle of greeting grumpy customs people. 😲😂
@Paulxx001
I really wish I knew. Sadly, I haven’t heard from him in a little while. Hoping and praying everything is ok with him. If he reaches out, I'll be sure to let you know.
🙂
Yep! One must always check the expiry dates of our important documents. My passport expired in June while I was out in B.C. but luckily did not need it to return back to Ontario as I had my other documents in check..xoxo
Back in the day, a driver's license was enough to get one across those lines. 😂👍
Canada, the only place I have ever been pulled aside and questioned by a border guard and had my toothpaste tube closely inspected and fondled...some memories are never forgotten.
Sounds... like a classic.
Border stories are usually humorous when there is a happy ending.😂
@Paulxx001 Exactly!
I have crossed the border several times on bus tours and with friends without incident.
A weird experience was on a ski trip to Aspen. Had to go through a full body scan at the Denver airport and then be patted down!
Thanks for the visual. 🤗🔥
With my band, we approached borders at all sorts of silly hours. It seemed that late-night crossings occasionally... provoked bored border guards. 😂
So... did they find anything? 😲
P.S. doesn't seem like the greatest time to be visiting the U.S., aren't some of your brethren boycotting us??
I don't wear a watch and rarely care what others do.
That "LaColle" crossing — is usually pretty tame.
It'll be a couple of three weeks before I get my NEW passport. I'll give it a crack, then. Lol... 😂
I did have an awkward crossing into Canada a long time ago. Some blog friends at the time had organized a weekend blogger get together in Ottawa. I flew in to Montreal. The passport agent asked the usual, "business or pleasure?". I said I was vacationing. "What are your plans?". I said I was going to be in Montreal for a few days, then go to visit friends in Ottawa. "Their names?"
WTF! Me and my big mouth. They were BLOG friends, I didn't know their last names!
I decided honesty was the best policy and explained that - I could tell he thought it was weird but apparently it wasn't enough to keep me out of the country.
Funny story.
I've been there, with names of friends I've misspelled. 😲😂
I agree, it is "Yes Sir , No Sir " because there must be same regulation that he can find you at fault. Who ever reads all the do's and don't . When was 19 did get strip searched , not pleasant.
No kidding.
I joked the first few times. And then, I stopped.
I agree; it's NOT fun. 😶
You had a really unpleasant experience!
As for borders, fortunately, within the EU, they have disappeared because I move almost daily between Spain and France and often travel to Germany, and no one asks me for papers: one of the advantages of the EU, without forgetting the many inconveniences caused by the caste of unelected bureaucrats who govern it.
I've also crossed many "real" borders, the kind that require a passport and sometimes a visa, but I always check my documents
Well, it’s been years since I last left the EU, though I still keep my passport up to date ;-D
I hope Lynn has understood what happened... you can always arrange a new meeting!
It was an adventure... but I've been through worse.
Borders, be careful.
Dont joke. 😲🔥