Early Days in high Park...Ten...

The funny thing is I am by nature a quiet and introspective person. I was always a quiet loner as a kid who never fit in with the crowd. I preferred to keep to myself. But once puberty hit, and I started to sneak into my Mom's bedroom to try on her underwear my world shifted forever. It centered around sex and me being the sex object. And it was my kind of sex. Gay and effeminate but with a verve and a élan all of my own. But this was all repressed while I was living at home with Mom and Dad. So I kept a lid on it all till I moved out in 1986 when I was 22. It was that first foray to The Body Politic that ignited my desire to get a place of my own and explore my sexuality.

It was The Body Politic where I learned the meaning of a new word, "chicken", which meant in my tight jean cut-offs looking younger than I was, I could count on being in demand for only so long. So I did what I could to stay in shape. I ran middle distances (I loved running, almost as much as...oh never mind). I did pushups to keep my body toned. I shaved my body till it was smooth as a baby's bum. And I had my mother's looks along with her green eyes. Thank God for that because Dad was no pin-up.

Anyway the years passed, 1987 turned to 1988 which turned to 1989 and nothing much changed. I use to visit Mom and Dad about once every couple of weeks. I could walk to their place in about half an hour (got to love that High Park area, it was just so convenient). Sometimes I would feel guilty during my visit as I was eager to leave so I could get back to my place, smoke a joint and go into the park for that night's adventures.

I thought a lot about having another man up to my place. Up to that point I just been with the one guy (Early days...Seven). I envisioned how much nicer it would be to have a man with me in my bed locked in a passionate embrace with him fucking me deeply while he was kissing me on the mouth. But that was the problem. i didn't trust myself. I was still petrified of catching AIDS.

Sometimes I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered how many cocks had I sucked? How many cocks have I wrap my lips around? How many times did I have their cum and man-seed coursing into my mouth, over my tongue and down my throat? Was I a whore? These are the things I thought about when I was by myself. But when I was in the park it was showtime and I was the star. I was the young deva with the beautiful young body parading around in my tight red thong (couldn't very well wear white anymore), teasing the men and picking out the partners I wanted. I was a vamp.