Forgiveness, easy?

I just saw that there's a Taiwanese social reality drama "We Six" being aired on August 2025, which was based on a true family tragedy that occurred in Taichung City in 2004. The story follows Lin Dasheng and Guo Fumei, a married couple with six children.

Guo Fumei, an elementary school teacher, suffered emotional and physical pain from her husband's long-standing infidelity. As she lost her eyesight due to a medical condition, Lin Dasheng started an affair with a young woman who was working as a serving lady in his company. She was 18 years younger than him named Li Yuegui. Soon this mistress started to come into their home frequently and openly, making the children upset with their father. In the end, the father choose to leave the home with the mistress, abandoning his wife and 6 children. Left with no support, the poor mother took her 6 children and moved to a slum area. Somehow Lin Dasheng's successful company also failed after his seperation from his wife & family.

One day, the mistress came to Guo Fumei and took her by force to go for a negotiation with Lin Dasheng. The mistress not only wanted Fumei to agree to divorce, she also wanted Fumei to borrow money from her other richer relatives to help them start another business. Of course Fumei refused. While Fumei went to take a bath, the mistress poured hot water on the blind Fumei till she died of 90% burns to her body. That was in 1984. The children were later sent to live in an orphanage.

Even though the mistress was later sentenced to 7 years jail time for causing hurt, but due to Taiwan's laws and they deemed her having mental condition, she ended up only serving 1 year plus and was released. Afterwards, Lin and Li lived together and had a son, but they still haven't married. Angry that Lin didn't give her a legal wife's position, the mistress threw her young one year old son off a train due to the uncontrolled emotional outburst, causing serious injuries and intellectual impairment to him forever. She was later sentenced to one year and three months in prison for attempted murder, but again was granted a reduced sentence due to mental illness.

Just two decades later, their father, Lin Dasheng, was also killed by Li Yuegui, who struck him on the head with an electric rice cooker repeatedly and finally with a glass bottle during a drunken altercation. Li Yuegui initially denied responsibility, blaming her intellectual impaired son for the crime, but ultimately, after an investigation by prosecutors and police, she was sentenced to 14 years in prison. She died while serving her sentence.

All these came from the accounts from the six children who have grown up... the eldest son shared what had happened and the TRAUMA caused to all of them, having to lose both parents to the same killer. But these six young brothers and sisters managed to survive on their own in difficult situations, and when they grew up, they all became useful people and gave back to society. However, it took 41 years for this eldest son to truly forgive only when this killer has died. He asked, is it that easy to forgive as most people will tell him so... have these people ever experienced what he had gone through? Is forgiveness that easy?

That hits me hard too. The past two weeks in my Bible school, we were being taught on the module off Healing and Deliverance Ministry. I learn a lot from the teaching and saw how others went up for their healing through the deliverance altar calls. But I didn't went up... I gave the excuse that it might be dangerous for me to go to the front in my electric wheelchair and the others might get hurt if they fell onto my device... so I choose to stay put in my place at the end of the room. There was a kind school admin who told me she can get the pastoral staff to come to the back to pray for me if I needed, and I gently declined.

Actually I am still reeling from the death of my Father in law who passed away in end July. How should I put it? I saw how my FIL treated my mentally ill Hubby. The past filled with traumatic memories of the things they did to Hubby and me. I was young at 17 when I met my Hubby, and as I was newly orphaned... I longed for a family. Yet my FIL looked down on me coz I have no parents, and treated me badly. When he misplaced his things, he would accused me of being the thief coz in his words, he said I have no parents to teach me manners, etc.

When they had no money to pay for their big 4 rooms flat, I also helped them to downsized to a smaller 3 rooms flat and paid it in full, with my Hubby being the 3rd owner of the new flat. But when Hubby and I went for church on a Sunday, they moved into their new flat and then refused to let Hubby stay with them. They literally thrown him out of the house which he paid too. How horrible these parents were, to cast off their mentally ill son whom they think is a burden to them. And how much I have to go through when Hubby went into severe depression for being abandoned like that! It took me decades to build up his confidence and to assure him I would never abandoned him.

I wanted to move on with our lives... then my in laws have issues with their new flat. They wanted to sell again and we agreed to sell my own small 3 rooms flat to get a bigger Executive flat to stay together. After I found the right flat for us to stay together, I signed the buyer contract and I also managed to find a buyer to buy my 3 rooms flat. Then my in laws backed out last minute, and I was also sued by both buyers if I don't fulfilled the contracts I signed! My in laws only said it's none of their business if we both have no place to go.

I just grit my teeth and followed through the contracts... and took on 2 full time jobs to pay for the big house while caring for my Hubby who can't work. Then in Singapore law, my Hubby need to release his name from his parents' flat in order to buy a flat with me as a married couple. When the in lawd had no money to pay for their 3 rooms once my Hubby's name and his share had to come out from their flat, again I took pity on them knowing they don't want to downgraded to a rental/slum area. So I gave up my degree saving and dropped out of school to help them to keep their home. I kept sacrificing but they didn't appreciate me at all. Again when FIL misplaced his deed title when doing the removal of my Hubby's name at the housing office, he again yelled that I must be the thief. But they found the title in one of his drawers, and then the Housing officer said to my FIL, how lucky he has such a kind generous daughter in law to pay for them. But he never say a single thank you coz he was the kind of China male chauvinist who often slapped his wife even in public and think women are beneath men.

I'm sorry but all these buried deep within my soul came bubbling up to the surface as I thought of my FIL. His eldest son, my Brother in law took after him too. And I begun to see that same male chauvinist control freak spirit in BIL... BIL would also yelled at his wife in public (in front of us all the times when we meet for reunion meals, etc). And towards end of FIL's life, he was at the mercy of his own eldest son who treated him badly to the point of only allowing a meal a day till he was all skin and bone.

My Hubby also started to reflect on his Father and their upbringing recently. Hubby said he is thankful I came into his life and introduce my Jesus to him. I was always generous and caring, always giving Hubby the best of what I can provide and many times I let him have the best portion of food, since his family was very calculated of how much a person is allowed to eat. (only the bare minimum, so his family are all skinny... yes... they all have long life span but no joy coz they believe it is better not to feel not to long for things in the world... which almost made my Hubby wanted to become a monk in the temple) They were the other extreme of enlightenment in their Buddhist teaching. They believe children are debtors either to come to pay debts or to seek debts from their past lives.

So from young, my Hubby and his siblings were not allowed to call their parents as 'father or mother'... but as 'aunty or uncle' in order not to be too close to them. Can you see how warped their family ideals were, that all their children grew up with psychological issues. The BIL has no empathy or consideration for his siblings, Hubby youngest sister became a hoarder who run away from home with her daughter, who also had mental condition by her teenhood.

It was only when FIL passed away then I begun to have these flashbacks... these deeply repressed memories coming back to haunt me lately... I realised I no longer have anger or bitterness over all these things he did to us... he was so blinded by all the wrong teachings that destroy his own ties with his family... that none of his children were willing to care for him in his old age. Hubby only do it coz I told him we are Christians and ought to show LOVE to his aging Father. And in fact, I felt sorry to see FIL suffered so much towards the end as he was in the hands of his own eldest son who was just like him.

The only consolation I had was I did tried my best to treat him well despite all that he did to me. I was reminded today when the pastor teaching on Soul Care module this week said this, "Only the wounded sheep would bite even its shepherd"... I believe FIL also had unresolved issues from his background which my Hubby later confirmed that FIL lost his parents at a young age too. So there's no nurturing as FIL came to Singapore from China in search for a better life here as a young lad alone.

And at least 3 years ago I managed to lead him to the Sinner Prayer to become a Christian while he was staying under my roof as I took care of him. He was happy then and enjoyed all the food I provided for him. I did my best for him. And I never forget the last time I prayed over him while he was in the hospital semi-coma state. I saw his tears fell... in my heart I knows... he shown me he appreciated what I did for him after all. Looking back, it's almost 30 years of love-hate relationship with Hubby's family and finally all is coming to an end now that FIL has passed away, and we know even his siblings won't be keeping in touch once the inheritance would be split in a year time. I felt relieved in a way that I won't have to deal with Hubby's non-empathic siblings anymore too. I also can't blamed them coz they were taught to think only of themselves in order to survive and never to think for their own kind.

Now that this week on Soul Care, I am learning how to be a good shepherd. But it did touched on a raw nerve, because I know this short 6 months intensive bible training is to equip the youngsters to be better in serving in their ministries. This last module talk about laying down our lives for others as we ought to be shepherds to minister to others and also to the leadership in the churches.

I am feeling jaded because I already did a lot for my loved ones and even for the others all these decades as an educator. I'm already so sick and feeling like asking, "Lord, would you mind if I am not pushing my limits like what all these youngsters can do? I am not asking for rewards or anything, but I just wish to stay alive longer to have some more quality with my Hubby instead of going all out to do ministry works that take me away from him. I have done beyond my limitations for many others as to show Christlikeness, but is it okay if now I can have some time to nurse my health and enjoy a peaceful quiet life for a bit?"

I am a little hesitate lately, as I listen to even my Senior pastor & the teams going all out for mission trips to unreached people living in crocodile infested swamps, etc. Do we have to die like a martyr just to prove our love for The Lord? After knowing how the twelve disciples die in the end was kinda' of upsetting for me... Yet am I not good enough if I want to live longer? I came back to church last year coz I wanted to seek peace knowing that my heart might stop any time due to my stage 5 condition. It has not been easy to attend classes everyday despite my health limitations and endless dialysis sessions.

I don't think I am called to be an apostle or prophet or even an evangelist. I am just contented to be a kind Christian helping out occasionally when I am well, that's all. I guess I still have my own physical and inner healing to deal with first before I can do more again for The Lord. But I am still keen to learn more about the theology to understand and know my Lord more, so I am hoping I can passed with credits in order to sign up for Associate degree next. I'm sorry but can I do my Self Care first? I guess in my last one year of counseling for my own self, I was reminded that I have always put others before me till I have become so sick and tired. It is good I am learning how to do Self Care and knowing I have other identify beside being a full time caregiver... always giving, never taking. It is my strength that became my weakness.

So I hope I won't be made to feel guilty for not going all out for a cause again. I really need some self care first. I think I am even struggling to 'forgive' myself for not able to do more at the moment.