Wandering heart

Recently I have been trying my best to lend a shoulder to my caregiver whose husband she suspects is having an affair. The problem is they are both in their 60's and she's upset that he's saying he wants his own freedom. They have beautiful children and a bunch of grandkids too but her husband been acting up since his brush with death as a cancer survivor. He just finished his chemo and he kept saying LIFE IS SHORT so he wanted to experience what he wants to do, and don't want her to control him anymore.

Sounds like mid life empty nest and with lot of saving to spend type of crisis to me. Since she retired and need to rely on him for housekeeping, he said things like 'Now I'm the head of the family' as they no longer have double income. He started going home late, and always preoccupied with his phone... started changing the way he dressed up to look younger, started to do exercises to trim up and opened another bank account... but she can see some of the transactions due to past emails that she did for him. Now he also opened his own email and hide from her, etc.

All the signs that he's having someone else and when she confronted him, he said so what if he has someone and for her, she just be his wife and followed their Islam law. She said what if she also look for someone outside, he then said in their religion, he can divorce her coz the husband takes the wife's sins so he don't want to be responsible for her sins. Yet, he can sin and she has no rights to tell him what to do.

Wow, so he can use their religion against her like that? Sometimes I pity those wives that followed their religion rules yet their husbands use the religion to control them like that. Anyway, I prayed for her, hoping the other woman will have issues with her Husband and he will return to her side again. But her other friends also told her to be prepared for the worst too. She lamented all her life she always put her family first, helping to care for her grandkids too yet now as they're reaching their Golden age, he started all these nonsense. She has seen enough from her other siblings' marriages to know the signs too.

And now with the school reopened, she doesn't need to be busy with her grandkids again. I can see that as she is left alone at home, she will keep thinking and crying over this. So I encouraged her to go out to pick up some courses and hobbies to keep herself busy too. I also hope she will find more clients near her area for care giving works then she will not think so much. She did try to look for full time admin job but with her age, it's hard to find employment until she was recommended to this care giving part time job based on assignments by a community provider.

Older women from her era tends to put family first and slog away entire lives for that purpose... she said why other women will want her old husband...then I also tell her many women that are younger do not care if the man is married or old or anything. As long as he has money and car, he's quite a good catch already. And I asked if she can accept the flings he might be having out there. She's more worried the flings might cost her marriage if this goes on long enough.

Honestly, I can only lend her a listening ear but when comes to marital issues, it's still up to both to settle the matter between them. But it is sad to see old couples growing apart in their golden years. His wandering heart is hurting her so much that she's crying and not sleeping well either.

Sometimes I look at my Hubby and me... maybe our sicknesses are a blessing, that other sexes won't look at us as we will be a burden in their eyes. So the lack of temptation is keeping our marriage going still. But most importantly, both of us now have GOD in our lives so we no longer craves for the wrong relationships out there. I can pray over my Hubby and ask him for prayers over my health matters too. Prayers keep our marriage strong as we won't want to hurt our partner again.

I can only pray for her and her husband. Hopefully his flings are only temporary so he will go back to her again.