My First Love : Re-awakening

As some of you know, I have been volunteering as a trainer conducting zoom classes for caregivers with loved ones having mental health issues (including dementia) with a non profit organization. I have completed my first class (12 weeks per class) and tomorrow I will be attending this class's graduation. Meanwhile, I am running my second class on every Monday evening, now into my 5th week with them.

As it is a zoom class, I do have adult learners from oversea at times.We tried to keep each class size to less than 20 for more individual attention. Those that needed advices are welcome to stay behind to speak to the program manager and the volunteer trainer like me. The program managers are usually the organization full time staff so they will have more resources to tap on for the learners if they needed extra services like counseling or therapies.

Being not their full time staff, I usually take a back seat for the program managers to set the pace for the class. My first class's managers preferred the learners to go to them and not to contact the volunteer trainer by private message. Even though there was a lady who wanted to communicate more with me as she's having an ex spouse with mental conditions but didn't want to go to see the doctor. She wanted to share in private but my first class managers do not allow it as part of the organization SOP. They don't want to over stress the volunteer trainers as not many stay long in this position.

Most of the learners are usually parents dealing with teenagers or young adults, and most of the program managers are also caregivers to their elderly parents. So I'm the only one who has experiences dealing with my mentally ill Hubby of 29 years, plus caring for his Dad (my Father in law) with late stage Alzheimer. Plus my 2 decades trained in early childhood education as a retired principal, I do have much to share to other caregivers on coping methods, etc. But thinking of my health, I also know I should not over commit as I need rest too. So once a week lesson planning plus once a week zoom class of 3 hours are my current commitments to this organization.

However this 2nd class, the new program manager is also a believer so we will meet early on zoom to pray for the class before we starts the zoom lesson. For the past 4 lessons, she has been the one to pray as she's much older than me. But recent Monday, she asked if I like to do the prayers. Honestly, I have only gone back to my church in May... watched the Sunday services online... met my bible group mates once or twice per month, that's all. So I am not very fluent in my prayers like the rest of the others yet.

But I just trusted GOD and prayed... and I asked that we can ministered to the class for the night and may THE LORD leads us with Love for one another. After the prayer, we have 15 mins to rest before the class starts... and I just listen to worship song. Somehow I felt the needs to be spiritually filled. Realizing I was late in paying my monthly tithes to my church, I faster use my app and made the payment before I start the class and admitting the learners.

And towards the end of the class, 3 of them asked to stay back as one of the ladies was in distress over her daughter who always threatened self harm, and this lady has no support from her family or church as she felt condemned that she has remarried and they told her that her sin caused her daughter to be like that and her prayers won't get answered, etc.

And she reached out to me in fact, knowing my strong conviction in my faith... so I ministered to her... sharing that we won't cast the stones at her... GOD sees her as someone precious... and we will covered her with love despite she's thinking she's not worthy. Bible verses that I have not said for a long time came out, assuring her of GOD's love for her. I also told her if she's flying back here again, I can open my house to her for tea if she likes to.

After we ended late the zoom meeting, I felt like I was already doing pastoral care counseling once again, something I used to do in my youth time in church. This time, the 2nd class manager gave me the GO AHEAD if I like to encourage this lady in private messaging to do outreach to her. THe manager also said that night seems so different, as the class wasn't able to warm up to one another in the past 4 weeks. Now they are caring for one another when they see one is showing distress.

I'm thankful The Lord uses me as his mouthpiece for that night. Earlier in the day too, I was away at the Heart Centre for my follow up with my cardiologist and team. We had a serious talk on my future care plan if my weakened heart might stop, the cardiologist will try his best to resuscitate me and let the machine keeps me alive in the ICU. But I also told him, not too long... by the 7th day if I don't wake up on my own... just let me go. Because I already did all that is required, even my final rites are already planned. So no worries as I have slowly come to term with my morality. I know the natural prognosis isn't good but who know what the future holds?

Then to cheer up the room, I asked if I can go for my bible school for 6 months next year. My cardiologist gave the approval as long as no physical taxing works required. And no oversea mission trip as healthcare in other countries might not be safe for me. I guess I will do my mission locally then, haha! #BucketList And the cardiologist even joked among his team of 7-8 persons that who knows, there's POWER in the HOUSE of THE LORD too! Wow, imaging my cardiologist who was the 2nd in charge now in the whole Heart Centre, talking about spiritual stuff in front of the other medical staff. Hey, not bad... I'm bringing my Faith everywhere I go... hee hee!

Coming back in the afternoon, I also did an interview via zoom for my next year award as they will share my story journey in print. The interviewer was amazed at my story, saying this is the first time she heard such a sweet story and asked what kept me going... I said my FAITH... and it is my faith that keep making me feel for others and shown love to others all my life from young. That's why despite my sickly health, I still do training to help others to care for their loved ones and to know how to do self love too.

Looking back now, my faith... this FATHERLY LOVE is what kept me going all these years... yes, there's times I backslided... but now as I slided Back to HIM... I know HE never give me up... I'm still trying to make sense of what HE might has in store for me in future. This Whataya Want From Me song by Adam... as I put on looping mode... reminded me of the dark days I used to struggle... but yet deep down inside, I know there's always that LIGHT in the darkness... guiding me through... ...

And I hope I will continue my good fight of Faith till the end... Hey, I hope the end won't be so soon... I still have bible school to attend and to graduate too! Hee hee!

P/S: This video Adam's voice level is lower key as it catered to the more demure Chinese crowd. But honestly, I do love his higher key performances which really bring out that struggle mode most of us go through in our darkest hours wishing for HOPE in the end.