Princess mood

Unlike normal situations where people commit adultery after marriage, my marriage with lovers was open type relationships. How come, some of the newer people that dropped in my blog will asked? Well, I'm a person who don't lie and this is my story.

Being married to my husband with mental conditions, he is not able to be emotionally available all the time. I will describe my marriage with him was first out of empathy for him as his family forsaken and rejected him coz of his illness. But I still tried my best to restore and retain their family ties. For that, his mum does treated me well as she know no one will want her son. She's not rich, just a cleaner but she dotes on me and tried to give me little trinkets from her side line of selling cheap women stuff at a flea market on her off days. I will see to my in laws needs too when the other siblings of Hubby were citing they were busy with their own families and no time for their own elderly parents.

10 years into our marriage, I was vexed that we didn't have kids so we went for checks at a hospital. Turned out Hubby was the problem. I suspected due to his psychotic med, his sperms were abnormal, not even low count as the normal men's issues. Why I think so? Because a few of his other mental friends have the same problem too, maybe they added something into the med to prevent more offspring of mental patients to avoid over burdening the health system, you won't know. After all, there's that genetic element in studies that mental illnesses can passed down to next generation too.

Being married to his Asian Chinese family, people will laugh at us for being childless. Hey, in the past, if a woman cannot bear a child, the husband can divorced her. But with medical advancement, now I can find out it was the husband's issues, can I divorced him? It was a taboo to talk about...I tried to ask for fostering scheme from the government, but was rejected due to my Hubby's mental condition which the social department will deemed him unsuitable for fostership, of course.

Last choice was getting sperms from the sperm bank, but using IVF costs $20,000 per treatment and no guarantee of success. I;m already burdened to support my elderly in laws, my sick husband as the only breadwinner, why do I want to spent so much on IVF just to have kid?

My Mum in law was worried that I will give their son back to them if I divorce him, since I do love kids a lot and wanted many. I was already a preschool educator before I met my Hubby, and I enjoyed my job surrounded by kiddos all the time. I also do not want to let my Hubby felt abandoned again if I leave him, knowing I am the only one who is willing to care for him in this world.

So with my Mum in law's approval, I can meet other guys to get pregnant. Yes, I was only looking for a donor who doesn't need to be responsible for the child if I managed to conceive. And that was how it started... I didn't want to look locally as there will be a chance one day if the guy suddenly wants to get the child back type of trouble. So I was thinking of it... and I met a Turkish guy WEST in an online 3D world. After telling him about my desire, he was okay to be the donor.

I even show to my Mum in law and some church mates on that... of course soon, I got condemned in my church for my crazy idea. I left the church coz the members were my age and they doesn't understand my situation, always condemning me for marrying a mental person & all that judgemental words that hurt my marriage further.

But my Mum in law was okay with the idea, even commenting how good looking WEST was. My own Eldest Brother and family then helped me to raise funds for the air tickets by asking my house tenants for advance rental fees just to see WEST! They were staying with me and agreed to take care of my Hubby when I was away for a week. I took the school short holiday of 1 week in March 2008 and flew over to see WEST, and we made love 13 times. It was not a good timing as the day before my flight, my menses came and I went to see a doctor to get medication to stop the flow, but it was not good for getting pregnant. Nevertheless, I don't want to waste my air ticket fees so took it as a holiday for myself. It was my first flight out of my country.

I have to say, WEST is a practising Muslim and was very kind and shows me so much hospitality. Yes, in his Faith... they can have up to 4 wives so that also explained the differences on our usual monogamy relationships that most of us are accustomed to. As he was already separated from his wife, and me having permission from both my families to go on a Baby project, there were no guilt as my Hubby also agreed that we need to have children to take care of us when we aged. (Traditional Asian culture)

WEST gave me a Muslim name SARAH which means Princess in his Faith. Yes, he treated me like a Princess, and never left me alone... a tradition in his Muslim world to protect the women and not letting them go out alone, for fear of their safety. I know, most women in the modern world will find that suffocation or over controlling. But for me, I felt like heaven as no one in my life protected me, not even my own Hubby... the only person was my late Father. So I felt safe and protected under WEST.

Like the song below, he shows me his world. He was a manager in his small repair shop with many staff, some older than him. But he was well respected as one of the best repairman in the whole province. He often came first in their company HQ competitions. He was also the only one who tried to learn English language from online interactions with people in his village, the only one who can speak simple English. I continue to tutor him in the language daily after we met online, and only met up about 4 months later in person.

Honestly, I have always been a strong independent woman from young due to my situation. But within me, I longed to be protected and loved, like a little girl. To be wooed and courted... WEST wasn't a rich person either... but he took wedding photos with me for memories... and brought a bed comforter to be used for the week we were together, and asked me to bring back home. In his culture, a man will prepared the bedroom items, especially great quilts and warm bedding like these to signalized the husband will provide and the wife will be his forever. So that was what he wanted me to have, even thought at that time I didn't understand his cultural gesture yet.

Even though it was just a donor for a Baby project, there were love and care from WEST. We didn't meet again as the Europe Crisis in 2008 caused his company to be folded and he needed to restart his life again. The last words of his to me was 'to wait for him'... then internet was down and we lost touch after our 3 years plus long distance relationship. I was not awared but he even waited and hidden in my FB for years as he wanted to pay off his legal fees to his 2 kids first before asking me to come back to him again in 2017.

I was sick by then so I have to think for him and rejected, knowing how expensive my medical commitments are if I marry over as a foreign wife. Nevertheless, I'm thankful for his love to me... I will never forget how he treated me like a Princess. And he opened my eyes to the beauty of his world. These little nuggets of memories kept me going in my days of coping with my illness and still being the caregiver to my mentally ill and now stroke ridden husband.

It's a pity I didn't have a child from WEST. His two kids are teenagers now and they're so good looking like him too, especially his elder daughter who inherited his green eyes and blond hair.