Unfinished Soul Tie?

Honestly, I have put my relationship with ex lover DOST behind... recently, due to skin rashes on my left wrist, I also took off that evil eye bracelet he gave to me as a love token.

Last night coming back late from dialysis, I ordered late dinner/supper for Hubby and I... ate my share and drifted off to sleep. I dream of him... as I keep tossing and turning in my sleep feeling extreme heat which is so unusual. I woke up with aches in my body... body drenched in sweat in my very cold air conditioned room... feeling feverish for no reason.

I can't recall the dream... but it was pleasant feel... no anger no longing... just like meeting an old friend type of feeling... but when I woke up in a semi awake state.. my natural instincts was to push his face out of my mind... Yes, I still don't want to be reminded of him... of his cruelty towards me.

Anyway, after breakfast with Hubby... I open my phone and saw DOST's latest update. He's in Greece with his family for this school term break. Hmmm, I hope he didn't get reminded of me... coz I used to bug him to bring me to try out Greek cuisine. I told him I like Greek mythology and he used to call me his MUSE. And yes, with my fair skin tone and blond curly hair, a lot of my friends even the nurses said I look like a Greek goddess whenever I wear that one off shoulder high waist white dress. I love to pair with gladiator style light beach open toes footwear too. I wish to visit Greece due to all that Mamma Mia movies.

Anyway, I wish him have the best life with his family. I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. Pleae don't ever think of me since he's the one to let me down by ghosting me. Please go on his merry ways, I don't want to hear about him from anyone again.

That also bring me back to my other charity caregiver support group where the group leader seems to know him. I'm still pondering, this month I didn't go for that monthly meeting... next month I also plan to skip too, as it also clashes with my new bible group. In a way, I don't want to know how he's doing or let anyone tell him how I'm doing.Thus, I still need to think if I want to continue with this support group.

I just want to cut that soul tie I had with DOST. He's in the summer time in Greece, definitely very hot over there now. I have a very sensitive spirit as I can sense people I love or care about even if they're far away. Please don't transmit his energy to me... I'm no longer his woman since he abandoned me. Go away... just leave me alone. I am restarting my life without him for awhile now... so don't ever appear in front of me... or near me... or even in my dreams again. Thank you very much... ...

Felt so disturbed after this... I need to rest later. The scene in Mamma Mia where Meryl Streep sang the song "The winner takes it all" sort of reflect the feeling of being the 3rd woman... DOST came to me saying all sort of bad things about his wife... I encouraged him and was his own personal therapist for over 5 years listening to all his woes, yet I was the supportive role and never did what 3rd party will do... I even brought gifts for his wife and his kid. But he just dumped me aside when he got more interested in my other new female illustrator friend I was trying to help him write his book. He took me for granted and I felt so used. My own fault for being too nice all the time.

As the lyrics goes:

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history

I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence

Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw the dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain?

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?

Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low

The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
'Coz it makes me feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand

I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see

The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all

P/S: The truth is he never admit I am a lover or a friend. He hurts me... ...