Testing

I felt disturbed the past few days since my ex lover DOST was mentioned to me. All the past memories, good and bad came flooding... deep feelings for him surfaced and overwhelmed me. I know I needed to get it over as I was preparing for my surgery yesterday.

So while waiting to be pushed into the surgical room, I took some time to message DOST to inform him I'm going for surgery again. I want to see if he care to wish me.

Nope, he only read but remain silent. So I try a few more times just casually chatting away... he will always come in to read and left. I tried 5 times... till before I was pushed into surgery at half past one... he really only read in silence.

Yes, a part of me was fuming... so heartless... don't even wish me... I did chided him... saying even strangers will wish me good luck... so I'm not even a friend to him? I did scolded him in a playful way that my heart function did improved slightly so I can't die yet. Which also mean I can't become a ghost to go disturb him but I might do so in real life, can? Can this annoying chatterbox old friend visit him?

Ya, a part of me just wanna annoy him for deserting & ghosting me.

Have you ever watch this Latino music video 'Rkm & Ken-Y ❌ Natti Natasha - Tonta' (official video) on youtube? The guy will say he already don't love the lady, don't miss her kisses or her body... but in the end the men also admit she was the best lover they had. (based on the English translation.)

Okay, I did smiled... why don't that coward DOST just blocked me since he no longer want to see or reply to me. Was I right that he's now trying to find another substitute similar to me coz he can't forget me, yet also cannot see me coz maybe he was already warned by his family?

Just like the lady in the music video, she smiled as she questioned the men back... and then the men's other women by their sides got mad and leave because although the men try to say they no longer feel for her, their eyes say otherwise.

I know I'm bad, I did feel this way with DOST. Especially his latest woman in question/my group leader who asked me about him has the same reaction when I told her he used to be my lover. Sure, he can choose to keep silent like I never mattered to him. Then why still keep reading my messages each time I text another 5-10 sentences yesterday? I did call him the pet names I gave him... I admit I did that to remind him of all the sweetness we had in that little angry but coyly lover mode. Because I knows him too well so I didn't mentioned about my group leader. It was fun tempting him as I can imagine his longing looks as he read my messages. He must be hiding behind his library shelves each time he took out the phone to see what I have messaged.

And like the lady in the music video, I can let DOST move on to other women with his games. Coz he will not find one like me, whom he did love. I know my worth. Because unlike him, I'm in open relationship with permission from my Hubby and I do not need to hide or lie like him. My extended family & some close friends knows too, as they understood my situation caring for a mentally & emotionally unavailable and now also stroke Hubby. So even when I am in another relationship, it is still an exclusive affair.

But DOST will never reached my level of honesty and gut coz he has a normal healthy able bodied wife and kid yet choose to stray, not just one affair but with many. He will never be satisfied coz he has an emptiness and void inside. He keep searching for someone to meet his needs and I did met his or we won't be together for 5 years that long... till someone else threatened to expose our affair to his wife then he ghosted me.

Yes, towards the ending plus that Covid restriction when he can't see me, he started looking for other women in his network nearby... but he still come back to see me every 3 months which shows I was still his favourite then. Now I suspect his family warned him to not keep in touch with me or the wife might threaten divorce so he choose to keep silence. He did called me & scolded me for messaging him on a weekend as his daughter saw my texts. I think that must be why he is still angry with me yet also not willing to block me coz we did have feelings for each other.

Looking back, all 3 ex lovers left not because they don't like me but often due to external factors. Okay, I do make a good lover after all. So nottie, right?

But now I do not wish to invest in anymore such relationships. It's tiring and hurtful when they left. I rather be a good sport and continue being that jovial playful gal making people around me smile, than just giving happiness to one exclusive guy who ended up deserting me. Not my loss since he didn't have the gut to even respond to me now. He can continue to pretend his family life is perfect posting family photos in his social media even though clearly his other women out there is telling me otherwise.

As for me, yes I still have feelings for him as I did invested with my heart in our relationship. But I am also moving on... knowing so many people love me and want to see me happy again. You can watch the music video with English translation, and know how I felt like now. Yeah, I'm letting that Latino little bitchy me out. Oh yeah, can't wait to do my Mexico theme birthday celebration in 2 weeks' time.